i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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