Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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