I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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