At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
