i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
