i barfeds in our rink
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
