i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
