wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
