I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
