the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
