i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
