her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
