Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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