About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
