I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
