I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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