Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
