I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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