I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
