I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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