I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
