I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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