She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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