ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
