He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
