does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
