a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dick very happy bro
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
