I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
