this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
