It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
