im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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