I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
