tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
