Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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