Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I could fuck to npr.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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