This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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