My friends, they love my intelligence
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
