FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he puts the penis in happiness.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
