i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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