Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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