He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
