so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
