Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I forget how to act sober
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
