turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
