At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Sober January is a disaster.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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