Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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