Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
