life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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