Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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