How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
