just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
