WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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