I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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