Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
