I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
