hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
