the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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