I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
